I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
