can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
