So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
