how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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