please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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