Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Randomize
