He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
