worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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