I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
