Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Where did you get a picture of my penis
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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