I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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