You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
