i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
