Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
