..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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