it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
