The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
