She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
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