Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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