What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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