My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
two words...techno handjob
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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