I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I have post one night stand depression
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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