I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
