i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just want to make out with him forever
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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