Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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