What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
