Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
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