Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
