That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
