I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
