im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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