U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
