Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
