That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize