New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize