Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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