Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
