the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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