what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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