i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
