I'm really into asian looking animals
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
