One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
