She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize