And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
