she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
