Michael Bay diarrhea
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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