He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
