1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
