I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
