Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
