i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
