did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I can tuck mytits in my pants
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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