A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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