why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
