you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize