we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
