Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
