Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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