He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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