it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
