What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
