I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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