why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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