so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
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