just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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