she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
