i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
