My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
This house was built for laser tag.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
